Stuart's Blog

Basic Rights of the Assertive Person

One of the life skills I was never really taught, and one that the Matrix doesn’t really want you to have is assertiveness.

This shouldn’t be mistaken for aggression.

There’s a wonderful, but incredibly densely packed book by David Richo called "How To Be An Adult".

In it, he enumerates the basic rights of the assertive person. There is a lot of nuance to the list – for example, just because #1 exists, it doesn’t mean you’ll get what you ask for!

I will reproduce the list here as a starter for you... it’s a great place to begin conversation/meditation/further study...

Basic Rights of the Assertive Person according to David Richo

  1. To ask for 100% of what you want from 100% of the people in your life, 100% of the time.
  2. To enjoy emotional and physical safety. No-one has the right to hurt you, even if he/she loves you.
  3. To change your mind or make mistakes.
  4. To decide when—and whether or not—you are responsible for: (a) finding solutions to others’ problems, and (b) taking care of their needs.
  5. To say ’no’ or ’maybe’ without pressure to decide in accord with someone else’s timing.
  6. To be illogical in making decisions.
  7. To have secrets; to decide how much of yourself or your life you reveal to others.
  8. To be free to explain your choices or not (includes not having to make excuses or give reasons when you say ’no’)
  9. To be non-assertive when you see that as appropriate.
  10. To maintain the same principles, skills and rights of assertiveness with your partner, parents, children or friends.

It can be terrifying at times to put these principles into practice; our conditioning runs deep.

But believe me, the benefits I've felt already have been amazing... that feeling of actually being an individual, of having my own needs and desires... of having a self that matters.

#life #CPTSD

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