Beyond the Bucket List
I was looking at Veronique's blog Soon We'll Be Dead and dove into her questionnaire...
But I didn't complete it... something wasn't working for me... and it all started with the Bucket List question.
I am absolutely comfortable with the idea that I'm going to die - I actually had a trial run at the age of ten when I had a severe illness, and the moment when I chose to let go was the most blissful feeling I've ever had in my life. Had my mum not been on the phone to the doctor at the moment I collapsed, and had the doctor been any further away I wouldn't be writing this today...
Anyway... that's a digression...
I am absolutely comfortable with the idea that I'm going to die and I believe we can't know when it will occur, and so the only solution is to have a much meaning/love/enjoyment/fun between now and then as we can.
But the Bucket List?
What do I need to do before I die otherwise I won't be content that I've had a good life?
Well, it's nothing really.
I don't know if this is a symptom of the depression that I suffer episodically from my CPTSD or if it's a hangover of the COVID situation where all of our plans were pulled from under us in a matter of moments...
Or I don't know if maybe it's just that I have done everything I really want to do... Alan Watts said "The reason you don't know what you want is because you already have it."
Don't get me wrong, there are things I might like to try...
After an amazing trip to the mountains of Gifu in Japan in a camper van I'd like to go and explore Shikoku in the same way.
I think I'd like to build a musical instrument one day. I have a deposit paid on a month-long lutherie course but I'm not sure right now if I'm going to go ahead with it.
I'd probably like to get back over to Boulder, CO and the Rockies.
But will I be upset if I end up on my death-bed tomorrow and haven't done any of them? Not at all.
Around fifteen years ago I studied Benedictine Monasticism in detail and a concept that really resonated with me was the "Happy Death". And I've been living my life that way since... if you live your life each day so that when you're on your death-bed you don't say "If only I'd...", then you have a good life.
I guess that embracing the flow of life means that a Bucket List isn't required. Maybe some 'nice to have' intents, but otherwise I just open myself to what the universe has to offer me, and I've been enjoying it very much, whether it's a sensational 'peak experience', or whether it's the walk in the rain I took with my wife this morning.