Stuart's Blog

Bodies Aren't Disgusting

I had one of those blinding flashes of the obvious this afternoon... I've been working hard on my CPTSD recovery and have been struggling to sleep at night and dissociating a lot during the day.

I went for an afternoon nap and something struck me.

Bodies Aren't Disgusting.

I went to my piercer's yesterday to see if anything could be done about the septum piercing I took out in March... could I have it re-pierced, would I have to wait for it to fully heal first?

All the way there I was feeling shameful about my nose. This guy is going to have to look up my nose. And there's snot there. Yuck. How horrible. My body is horrible and therefore I am horrible.

The thoughts and feelings never came conscious enough for me to recognise the criticism I was meting on myself. I just felt kinda bad.

The session went very well and resulted in him finding the hole and tapering it back up to size so I'm now sporting my septum ring again yay!... but that's an aside... during the session I realised that this guy is a professional. He looks up noses. And most of them will contain snot. And he is the most accepting person you'll ever meet...

I slowly started to realise that it's my conditioning that makes me think bodies (and my body in particular) are disgusting. And it's just not true. They're just bodies. They're getting on with being bodies.

Okay, there are some waste products that we produce that are better kept far away rather than close-at-hand... a modicum of 'disgust' is an instinctive survival tactic there.

But on the whole...

As I dozed this afternoon pre- and post-nap, all the feelings of disgust and shame began to fade and integrate into my being.

And I suddenly gained a new relationship with my body.

It is not a disgusting object fit for scorn, ridicule and shame. It is an awesome vehicle that lets me get around in the material world and see awesome things and meet amazing people.

Maybe if I'm not so down on it I'll treat it a little better.

Maybe.

#CPTSD #piercing

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