Stuart's Blog

Not Ready To Tell My Story

I'm not ready to tell my story yet.

How do I know?

I'm currently on a Narrative Non-Fiction Writing Course at City University in London, and we were assigned to write 1,000 words on any subject.

I tried to tell my trauma story and stalled at 420 words.

In the next class I picked up tips on dealing with writer's block and wrestled the article to 950 words.

But something just wouldn't let me finish and submit it.

It feels bitter. It feels like I haven't processed enough of my childhood to be able to talk about it without a hugely debilitating emotional charge.

If I give it time it will be much better, more helpful to others suffering from CPTSD and more understandable by those who aren't.

I'm not ready.

I thought I was struggling as a writer. I'm not. In a few hours this morning I have done an admirable—in my opinion—1,000 words of biography, about the first subject I have interviewed for my Secret Project.

I not a bad writer, I just picked the wrong subject. For now.

Interestingly, I believe that biography is auto-biographical too. While I tell you about someone else, I show you who I am simply by what I find important, what conclusions I draw, what questions I ask.

That's fascinating... to be seen for who I am without having to tell anyone.

#goals #CPTSD

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