The Power of Teachers
I completed a large portion of The Artist's Way last year but got blocked when I realised that my dreams weren't actually congruent with my Self. This is a common symptom of CPTSD where we struggle to find a sense of identity, to identify what we actually want from life.
But on New Years Day I woke with a killer idea for a project. And it's going to need a lot of work and a lot of learning. And I realised that I really must jump back into The Artists Way if I'm going to succeed.
So I've gone back to Week 1 and am completing any parts of the course that I resisted or skipped and am also updating my vision as I go along.
One thing I'd done was to note my "Monsters" - those people who had discouraged, shamed, scorned or otherwise had a negative influence on my creative development.
What I hadn't done was to do a picture of the worst offender (My old English teacher, Mr. T~) and then abuse them childishly with cartoons. So I set to work... all it took was to create this:
...and suddenly the demon is exorcised. I realised how much power Mr. T~ had held over me all my life, making me think I couldn't write. Making me think I wasn't good enough. (Of course my mum's perfectionism didn't help because I saw my "B" in English as a failure).
But suddenly I realised... I am not hopelessly and irredeemably bad at writing. I never was. The problem is that I was never taught how to write. We were just expected to create fiction and non-fiction from thin air.
Also, none of my English teachers ever encouraged or nurtured the inner artist. They simply judged the results. Usually harshly.
This is huge. It's incredible the power that teachers have over us to decide who we are and push that narrative. And while we're so malleable we take it all on board.
So in the short space of twelve or so hours after discovering and exorcising my demon, I find myself booked on a ten-week course on writing Narrative Non-Fiction which is exactly what I'll need to be great at for the project I have dreamt up.
Exorcising demons. Very simple but I guess you have to be aware that the demon is there before you can begin.